As I forced myself to breathe in between incredibly heavy sighs riddled in disbelief I knew I needed to focus on the road. You’ll be there shortly. Say nothing and just focus on driving. Oh God! I’m trying so hard to fight back these tears. This anger. I can feel the words working their way out. I know if I say anything. One. Single. word. Anything at all. I will regret probably every word spoken out of my mouth on this day. Please help me to bridle this tongue, LORD. Please.
We make it to the vet safe and sound and three of us go in. My hubby, the puppy and me. I am emotionally a mess. I say nothing during the entire appointment. I think to myself I really should have stayed in the car. I look at the puppy. I feel myself growing cold and detached from him. I am feeling so many emotions and I tell myself I never want to be in this state again. So, please puppy. stop. licking. me. I don’t want to play with you.
I get through the day without breathing a word to my hubby. Not a single word except maybe yes or no. The good thing is he worked on the yard most of the afternoon after we returned from the vet. We go to bed and I do say good night and kiss him. That’s Scriptural, right?
I toss and turn all night. It’s now 3:30 in the morning and I can’t take it anymore. I am wide awake. As I reach to turn on the light so I can read I hear something like I can’t sleep with the light on. Mind you, I’m still not speaking to my hubby and I am exhausted and my mind is still swirling with all the hurtful straight to the heart words I can utter so I say nothing. I shut off the light and exit the room quietly I might add. Although I really wanted to slam the bedroom door shut and then say something like Oops! The wind must’ve gotten hold of it. But I don’t.
I’m now sitting and crying. I begin to talk to the LORD. I know this is crazy. I know he is just a dog. But I have grown to depend on him. I don’t really need to tell YOU that, do I? Now, I am really balling. I begin to think about Rambo. My dog. Actually, he is not even my dog. He is my husband’s dog. We got him about five years ago from a trainer who specializes in training shepherds for the police and special needs. He came from a great breed and we were blessed to get him. I named him Rambo. Rambo is a very, very smart dog and very perceptive. At least I think so. A Belgian shepherd. Whenever someone comes on or near the property Rambo barks in the direction of the perpetrator. His tail curls up and out and I know he is on alert. He typically comes to my window in the bedroom and barks to get my attention and then runs back to the spot where there is perceived danger. I normally yell “Good Job Rambo!” or some positive words of affirmation. Sometimes I have to tell him that it’s okay so he will stop barking. For instance, if the neighbor is having tree work done and I know the person is going to be there for quite some time. Most times it works. When my son stayed with us for awhile while recovering from hip surgery Rambo slept by his window every single night. I truly believe Rambo understood he needed to be protected more than I did so he made that shift.
Needless to say, Rambo provides a great sense of security for me. I never realized how much until he ran away. Yes, that is why I was so upset. My Rambo ran away. Well, actually he was led astray by the neighbor’s dog who will we will leave unnamed. She is a wanderer but Rambo loves her. Her family allows her to roam and trust me she does.
So, after pouring my heart out I finally make it back to bed. It’s now about 5:30 a.m. I am exhausted and pass out.
What’s all that racket? What time is it? I glance over at the clock and it’s 8:30ish. I look around and notice my hubby is out of bed. I glance over at the bedroom door to see him standing in the door way. I hear him vaguely say something like she is going to be happy to see you. In my mind, I’m thinking it’s the puppy he must be talking to. And I am NOT in the mood to play with him so I lay there perfectly still, thinking if I don’t move maybe the puppy won’t make a mad dash over to me. As I lay there, Rambo runs to me. He is a mess. But I don’t even care. I literally jump out of bed and fall to the floor and wrap my arms around him and begin to cry out Thank YOU Lord! Thank YOU Jesus! For bringing Rambo home to me. I then begin to ask Rambo if he is okay. Crazy, huh? Yes, I am having a full fledged conversation with a dog and he is just laying down for me wanting me to rub his belly. As I inventory him I see he has twine of some sort wrapped around his tail as if he got caught in it and somehow broke loose. I notice a gouge on his front paw and a scratch on his nose, too. Poor baby. I ask him, “What happened to you?” And he has a sadness about him. In fact, for a couple days all he did was mope around.
At this point my hubby says something like I didn’t want to tell you this but when I took the puppy out last night the neighbors dog was sitting outside. She must have left Rambo and came home without him. I thought O Lord Thank YOU! For Rambo has never been anywhere but the front and back yard. Oh yeah, I forgot. And across the street when we got new neighbors. A bunch of cows.
So my story has a happy ending. Whew!
I thought about all the damage I could have done if I had of even uttered one word during the “incident”. I thought about how very HARD it was to keep quiet. I am not kidding. I thought about how in the scheme of things we all mess up and beating the heck out of someone doesn’t make it go away or even better. I thought about how if I didn’t know Christ —— whew! Never mind! Never mind ! Never mind!
I thought to share this with you, too. This is me. Going through the day to day. This is a day where I battled all afternoon and evening to be like Jesus. And boy was it a battle.
In closing, I pray as the completely unexpected things come up in your day to day that threaten to take you over the edge that you remember to hold your tongue. You may have to do it literally.
Be Strengthened and Encouraged in HIM,
Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze! James 3:5
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit - you choose. Proverbs 18:21